Sep 30 2007

Movie: The Sea Inside 2004 (Spain)

Tag: Diarymary @ 1:41 pm

A timely reminder to those of us with a VCR recorder available, or ask a friend to tape it for you:

10.15 pm Saturday, October 6, SBS -  Movie: The Sea Inside 2004 (Spain) Starring Javier Bardem and based on a true story.  A man who was left as a quadriplegic after a swimming accident fights to win the right to have an assisted suicide through the courts.  Directed by Alejandro Amenabar it is suitable for adults as the timing would indicate.   Given 3 stars by the critics, I felt at the time it warranted five stars.

A story which is visually beautiful, challenging and fortunately ends “happily ever after” in spite of the Courts.  What the film really demonstrates is that people will find a way to ensure their own end of life choices with or without the blessings of the laws which govern their countries.   Based on the true life story of Ramon Sampedro, a quadriplegic who fought a 30 year battle with both his family and the Government won out in the end.  In the prime of his life distracted, at precisely the wrong moment, by a beautiful woman, but it changed his life forever.

I saw this film when it was released in Australia and recommend it for the power of the inner spirit overcoming all adversity, and with a sense of graciousness that many of us could learn from.    A very powerful and moving film.  Thanks to the SBS for yet again highlighting the needs of genuine suffering and keeping the question of voluntary euthanasia in the public arena.


Sep 30 2007

We elected to follow the motto… GOOD LIFE – GOOD DEATH

Tag: Diarymary @ 9:12 am

A message received by email this morning from the couple’s son with the following attachment.  Robert and I had talked and corresponded for perhaps four years.  It was not unexpected and I am glad for their sake they had the wherewithal to make it a good death,   Shirley did not have good health, aged 76 and Robert, 80,  obviously chose to die together by using differing methods that suited themselves. (as I would have done also).   He assisted his wife most likely,  in a very comfortable way,  and then took a very quick clean method for himself     Robert didn’t want the trappings of a Funeral Service, preferring the simplicity of genuine relief and respect for their end of life choice.   He didn’t expect a welcoming committee “on the other side” to be waiting for them, but wanted to live their lives to the fullest right up until the last.  I believe he did this!    A reasonably fit man, Robert did not want to “leave it too late” having decided his methods,  a couple of years ago.   I knew that he and his wife had given considerable thought to the processes involved and warned me in advance that there would come a time when his correspondence would be stilled permanently.   There was never any doubt in my mind that the decision on their end of life choices were made in unison and without any sense of depression.  As Robert said, it was only a matter of timing.  

Legislative change could have resulted in different decisions needing to be made.

I am sure their son would have agreed with their choices, even as he grieved, he would have understood their motives and because he loved them, would respect their right to chose for themselves.

Shirley and Robert say……

Goodbye good family and good friends.
Our life was full and happy.

We elected to follow the motto… GOOD LIFE – GOOD DEATH

All LIFE will end.

Our lives ended together in LOVE on March 21, 2007.

The Woody’s

I remembered Robert’s excitement when he learnt how to use the satellite facility that enabled him to pinpoint exactly where I lived in my Melbourne street.   He was always excited about learning new skills, not letting age blunt his enthusiasm.   Even while “slowing down” physically, Robert was able to take long evening walks with his son through their grapefruit groves, marveling at the stars and the world around him.   As a family they communicated! a rare treat indeed in this busy life style of modern technology.

I feel honored to have been contacted across an ocean those years ago, and promised Robert, I’d wave to him on my route to Mexico City in October 2005.

We never meet physically but I always had a mental image of the man I knew him to be.   A good man who had a love of life and nature, who cared deeply for his wife, and a son who took the time to share his father’s last years with him by keeping the family close.

Even while saddened to learn of Mr & Mrs Woody’s death, I would not wish them back again, knowing their way would have been my way also.


Sep 26 2007

Strictly Confidential. Is the new climate of secrecy justified?

Tag: Diarymary @ 11:43 am

Choice Comments:   Any one who watched SBS’s Insight this week, Strictly Confidential.  Is the new climate of secrecy justified?  and of course, the answer is a resounding No!  Thank goodness for the clarity of explanation from David Marr, the SMH Journalist who was able to articulate our fears.  Fears about the blossoming possibilities for hiding the unpleasant facts according to the suitability of the Government,  to allow Australians to be properly informed.   Pro euthanasia enthusiasts will not go away or be silenced.   That will make me among others, a criminal because I incite the feasibility to consider allowing a person to die by manufactured means!…I believe in the Right To Die, not to suffer ongoing, but to die prematurely to nature’s or the health carer’s intentions.

The Terrorist and Pedophile Legislations (applicable to computers but not necessarily television) started out as one thing and ended up including The Suicide Related Materials Legislation introduced January 2006.   I do not share Christians version of life and living.  I don’t appreciate their sense of morality and values. I am an Atheist.  My life is in the here and now, period!  End of subject for me, about me and only for me!  You may be different.

I feel my heart racing with just the anticipation of my depth of feeling on the matter.   I started out in my childhood imprisoned by the Catholic Church in two of their orphanages for four long, bitter, cruel years, aged 10 to 14!….Nothing the legal system can throw at me at the age of 65 will ever beat that!….Back then I was green and so full of the love of living with a passion, full of hopes and inspiration, and aspirations…..Today I have none of that!….I just live my life to the fullest but without any expectations!  that is the difference!…

Should our Federal Government attempt to curtail our freedoms in this field, even further I can absolutely guarantee I will be classed as a criminal for my actions.

http://www.australianit.news.com.au/story/0,24897,22475465-15306,00.html

Critics slam net block plan

Karen Dearne | September 25, 2007

INTERNET industry experts say the federal Government’s bill requiring service providers to block access to overseas sites blacklisted by the federal police commissioner could inadvertently block access to popular sites such as Facebook and slow internet speeds to a snail’s pace.

Service providers fear internet blacklisting will prove difficult and expensive

The proposed legislation, introduced without notice into Parliament last week, also gives the commissioner powers to order take-downs of Australian sites related to terrorism and cyber-crime.

The amendment allows federal police to notify the Australian Communications and Media Authority of banned websites, and the authority must then notify service providers. It anticipates ISPs will block access to offshore sites with filters and other technical means.

Industry insiders say the only way a service provider could prevent users accessing banned material is by blocking the internet protocol address on the host server.

“Australia is only one tiny fraction of the global internet and there are numerous places where constitutional protections ensuring free speech mean all sorts of objectionable stuff can be hosted, and at present there’s no regime here actually requiring ISPs to block access to such sites,” Internode carriage manager John Lindsay said.

“If such a request were made, the most fine-grained way we could actually do it would be to block access to the IP address. That’s the Chinese approach. They basically block by IP address.

“Now, if that IP address happened to be MySpace, or Facebook, that would have the effect of blocking everything from those sites.”

According to an Ovum report to the communications department, many hosting services carry thousands of domains on a single published IP address.

“Filtering based on IP address may result in overblocking of content that is not prohibited, but is located on the same address,” Ovum said.

The government is yet to release a NetAlert study on server-based internet filters: Accuracy, Broadband Performance Degradation and Some Effects on the User Experience, completed in May last year.

A spokesman for Communications Minister Helen Coonan said the amendment would address “a gap” in the present legislation.

“This is not really about censorship,” he said. “We’re talking about sites that are established by criminals to defraud people.

“If it’s a domestic site where people are actively inciting crime or terrorism, the AFP will be investigating with a view to prosecution, and will also order its take-down.

“The blacklisting component is about overseas sites, where ISPs have no control over the content. Unless we get the co-operation of overseas police, we are unable to chase these cases. All we can do is notify them in a voluntary list for ISPs and filter providers to update.”

Telstra, Optus, the Australian Mobile Telecommunications Association, the Internet Industry Association and others are currently reviewing the legislation, which caught them by surprise.

Electronic Frontiers Australia chair Dale Clapperton said the proposal had nothing to do with terrorism.

“These laws will be open to massive abuses by the police,” he said. “They could, for example, be used to prevent access to websites organising protest marches or rallies against the government, or advocating the legalisation of euthanasia.

“To the extent that it allows police to ban access to material discussing political matters, it is probably unconstitutional.”

ISP-based filtering was “a blunt instrument” that gave users no control over what material had been censored, Mr Clapperton said.

“Unfortunately, filtering will not make the internet safe for children. If parents are deceived into thinking a filtered service is safe they will be less likely to supervise their children while they use the internet.”

A requirement to provide filtered services would impose serious costs on local ISPs, while also exposing them to liability when “the filters inevitably fail” to block banned material, he said. Filtering were also likely to cause a reduction in internet speed. Microsoft internet safety regional director Julie Inman-Grant said the company was concerned to ensure it could provide its content services to consumers on substantially the same terms globally.

“Content, such as videos or our social networking site, Live Spaces, will be sitting on a server in the US that users from the around the world can access,” she said. “We’re concerned that there may be a website link to a service that is indeed hosted in Australia, that we would have no knowledge of.

“It would be very difficult to have the capacity to check every single link that is posted on a user’s individual webpage.” Internode’s John Lindsay said ISPs fully supported the government’s efforts to remove violence and child pornography, race hate and other objectional material from local sites, and would be happy to extend that to sites promoting terrorism.

“It’s completely reasonable to require that sort of stuff to be taken down from web servers hosted and administered within Australia,” he said. “That’s something ISPs actually have some control over, and that has worked very well.

“But, as a technologist, I have to point out that blocking content from overseas is horrifically hard, if not impossible.” In the past Australia had some capability to filter cached material, but technology had moved on, he said. “Years ago, ISPs used web caching as a way of speeding up access to foreign internet sites by holding a copy of content on their servers. That provided a nice hook for a filter list for specific URLs.

“Today ISPs don’t bother caching, because there’s no longer any financial incentive to do so.

“The cost of international bandwidth has dropped and the rise of Web 2.0 content – user-generated content – means that more and more of what’s on the web doesn’t cache. If one user looks at something, the next user will see something different.

Once you start building up enormous lists of things you want to block, the list gets endlessly larger even though the original content has gone.” This would have the ultimate effect of slowing down internet performance. “You might have fast broadband, but you won’t get any speed from it because there’s a whole room of servers between you and the internet that are picking over everything to make
sure you don’t see anything objectionable,” he said. “That would be a ludicrous joke.”


Sep 24 2007

Nitschke to mark euthanasia anniversary

Tag: Diarymary @ 4:45 pm

http://www.thewest.com.au/aapstory.aspx?StoryName=420463

Nitschke to mark euthanasia anniversary
21st September 2007, 10:57 WST

Euthanasia campaigner Dr Philip Nitschke is heading to Queensland on the anniversary of the first legally-assisted suicide to show elderly people how they can end their own lives with a pill made in their own kitchens.

Dr Nitschke, who has been dubbed “Dr Death”, plans to visit the Sunshine Coast on Saturday to show the film Single Shot – which has become the most viewed voluntary euthanasia film worldwide with more than 2,000 downloads since it was posted on video internet site YouTube three weeks ago.

The video shows how to cook the barbiturate pentobarbital, more often known under the brand name Nembutal, in a pressurised pot on a stove top.

Nembutal was formerly widely used in small quantities as a sedative but has been banned in Australia since 1998.

Dr Nitschke is standing as an independent candidate against Immigration Minister Kevin Andrews in the forthcoming election in the Victorian electorate of Menzies.

It was Mr Andrews’ private members bill that overturned the Northern Territory’s Rights of the Terminally Ill Act in 1997 which had enabled the death of 66-year-old cancer sufferer Bob Dent.

Mr Dent was hailed as the world’s first legally-assisted suicide when he typed the go-ahead into a computer, triggering a lethal injection from a syringe on September 22, 1996.

Three other people died legally under the law until it was overturned by the Senate.

Dr Nitschke said elderly and terminally-ill Australians should be given the option to die in the manner and at the time of their own choosing.

“It is ironic, perhaps, that on the 11th anniversary of the lawful death of Bob Dent, seriously ill and elderly people are being made criminals thanks to the government’s refusal to take their needs seriously,” Dr Nitschke said.

“Who would have thought 11 years ago this Saturday since Bob’s lawful peaceful and dignified passing, that I would be running workshops to provide answers to questions about the manufacture of barbiturates – that is what things have come to.”

Dr Nitschke will be at the Maroochydore Neighbourhood Centre on the Sunshine Coast for the workshop from 2pm (AEST) on Saturday.

Assisting a suicide remains a crime throughout Australia.

In Queensland, a person found guilty could face life in jail.
AAP

Choice Asks? What action can the legal system take against a 75 year old helping an 80 year to die?  What are they going to do with them?   Give them a life sentence!   I’ve already decided my death will have to be unnecessarily distressing simply because I am not reassured that the Health System can ensure I die a good death and will not be resuscitated because one or three doctors don’t see me as terminally ill.  I am one of a number of people who want to live life to the fullest and die quickly when my time comes!    I just don’t want to get to the stage in my life where it becomes an issue for either me or my family.   If only the Law could enable those who, for whatever reason, sees control of their own death as paramount to them as an individual then many of us could relax and enjoy life to the fullest.

Like an insurance policy, I want to be able to redeem a life of premiums while I am still actively capable. 

I watched a severely disabled person having their tears wiped away sitting in a restaurant….and I hoped to never be in that position myself….ever!   My definition of dignity to to wipe my own tears away, clean my own teeth, brush my own hair, wipe my own mouth, and wipe my own bum!   No one need feel sanctimoniously charitable in doing these things for me!  BECAUSE I DON’T WANT ANYONE TO HAVE TO DO THIS FOR ME, AND I DON’T WANT THIS FOR MY SAKE!   NOT THEIRS!!

Thank Goodness for Doctors such as Dr Nitschke who just keep on, keeping on!!!!


Sep 21 2007

Can there be two “Mary Walshs” in Australia?

Tag: Diarymary @ 6:32 pm

In the 18th century, the French philosopher Voltaire said,

“Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, in human
beings of which they know nothing….”

A bit harsh Voltaire – thank goodness we’ve moved on a little since the 18th century….what we need now is for the politicians to catch up with the implications of the technology which is going to overwhelm the health system with survivors who can breath but have ceased “to have a life”…..

I’ve been up since 4 am in spite of taking 10 mg of Temazepan – so it should be a “good” day yet again as I endeavor to look intelligent, although strung out like a druggie….

Not sure if it is to do with my friend looking me straight in the eye on Wednesday, telling me her doctor had given her days to live…I translated that into weeks but even so, it was confronting to have to deal with such directness, but I feel unwell myself…Perhaps it is a sympathy illness….Nothing more can be done…but I still prefer the honesty of directness.  It allows for integrity to respond…honestly to say, that a good time has been shared over 20 years, traveling the vineyards, exercising on the motel floors, the golfing, the films, scrabble, her card games, Shared experiences with friends over a long and happy life…the ability to check the family haven’t dinted her immaculate car, now she can no longer drive….going to the hair dresser today, but don’t make it too short because with the medication treatment the plumpness in the face,  actually suits this lady whose spent her entire life doing things in moderation…. A good life, well lived…..

Mortality is a reality of life and I am wondering what will become of this website when I cease to be able to operate it?  Would it become a stagnant memory of Mary Walsh RIP, or would some equally passionate believer in the right for choice put up the cudgels and run with it?   Can there be two “Mary Walshs” in Australia?   If you’ve read my stuff and can relate somewhat with its diversity of subject matter, please stand up…..your services may well be needed in the future.   Mind you I am not planning on leaving town anytime soon but I do feel a contingency plan is a sensible way to promote choice ongoing, in my absence.   Any takers? 


Sep 20 2007

It is very reassuring that in this day of “ME, ME, ME, that such health care workers do exist

Tag: Diarymary @ 8:12 pm

Infuriately I had to delete all names, place names and whatever to protect the privacy of those concerned but what a wonderful letter for a nurse, through her manager to receive,  as the result of the nursing care displayed of a very elderly lady.   The nurse told me, it was quite the nicest thing that had ever been written about her in her entire life.   It is very reassuring that in this day of “ME, ME, ME, that such health care workers do exist……I am sure that any families would rest easy if they believed their loved ones really had that TLC touch, this nurse obviously displayed to the patient when it counted.

Director of Hospital and Clinical Services
Hospital (name deleted)

August 4th 2007

Subject: Patient Margaret (name deleted)

Dear Ms. (Name deleted,)

I am writing in relation to the Nursing care provided to my mother, Margaret last Tuesday (July 31)

On behalf of my mother and her family I wish to place on record our sincere appreciation for the support provided by (name deleted). This was provided during my mother’s visit to (name deleted) for a procedure ordered by Dr (name deleted)
The attention to my mother was exemplary. We could have asked for nothing more. In fact, I believe she provided greater care than we had any right to expect.

Her attention and care during my mother’s distress in the recovery room showed a compassion and concern beyond that called for by her responsibilities.

We regret that (name deleted) has herself been distressed by the outcome for my mother. We wish to assure her that we in no way hold her accountable for any failure in the (name deleted) system that led to the outcome that ensued for my mother. If I was asked to assemble a nursing team for my mother, (name deleted) would be a first choice on my list. We look forward to seeing her again, when my mother returns to this hospital, as she recovers from the current medical emergency.

I request that this letter be placed on (name deleted) personnel file as a permanent record and tribute to a fine nurse. And I request that you formally convey to her our appreciation as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely

Name deleted

————-
The other day while I was visiting a sick friend I picked up a pink A4 sheet headed 2007 What’s On at BeasCan Support”A support based group for gynaecological and breast cancer….A service provided 10 am – 2 pm Monday, Wednesday and Thursday, Ground Floor, Queen Victoria Women’s Centre, 210 Lonsdale Street Melbourne.   Call in or phone one of their trained volunteers on 1300 781 500.

A couple of workshops coming up include Identity After Cancer being held on September 26th 6.45 pm – 8.30 pm and again on the Thursday, Sept 27 12 pm – to 1.30 pm….numbers are limited so you would need to book on the phone number quoted above.

And another one on Thursday October 4th – 12 pm to 1.30 pm   Hormones R Hopping

Given my entry for September 13th, this workshop may be of particular interest to those who consider the ramifications of interrupted menopause or chemotherapy induced and how these changes may impact on a younger woman, to an older one….Professor Jeffrey Zajac, Austin Health, will also discuss the links between hormones and breast cancer, and other cancers.

We are also reminded October 22nd is National Breast Cancer Day…. (but I see its fundraising as a boutique cause, which takes money away from less “high profile” sufferers) The bowels, the brains, the stomach, the throat, melanoma….and who can forget ovarian cancer.   I know the pink ribbon day is very very successful but I do hope funds raised get spread all research for cancers in general.


Sep 17 2007

Two Panadol is useless

Tag: Diarymary @ 11:00 am

(I made the call after all!) and will visit my friend this afternoon…..but I still have a thumping headache…I dropped a chemical in the garage yesterday and broke the bottle, but continued to shove and move stuff around regardless of its fumes….I can’t be bothered delving into the depths of the rubbish bin to see what the contents were after the event.  Two Panadol is useless.   After chemotherapy I can survive anything!  Everything just makes you sick these days, but rarely kills you…A dog in the family lapped up Roundup a year or two ago and it had little effect  so who tells lies and informs people its poison when really it isn’t fatal…perhaps dogs bodies don’t absorb chemicals like humans……Thinking about that one pot concoction the 80 years olds are working on in South Australia….perhaps . perhaps ?

———————

The front page article in the August 2007 Victorian Humanist Newsletter is written by the immediate past president of the Humanist Society of Victoria Inc.   A very clever woman who I envy for her wonderful usage of words..

Life and Death
Like a traveler sailing the Archipelago who sees the
luminous mists lift toward evening, and little by little makes out
the shore, I begin to discern the profile of my death.

French writer and humanist, Marguerite Yourcenar, has Emperor Hadrian pen these words in her masterpiece, Memoirs of Hadrian (p. 16 Penguin 1986 edition). They beautifully evoke how, as we age, the inevitability of death hovers ever present. The book takes the form of a long letter written by the aging Hadrian to the young and future emperor, Marcus Aurelius. With his own death approaching, Hadrian wants to tell Marcus of his life and some of the lessons he has learnt. The result is a remarkable account, from a humanist perspective, of how death naturally enfolds into a life well lived.

We humans are probably unique among the animal kingdom in knowing that we will die. Death and dying are often feared, and mostly accompanied by much sadness, as relationships end, and the opportunity to tell someone how much they are loved or to apologise for wrongs, disappear. The death of others reminds us of our own mortality.

At a rational level we accept death as a natural part of life. We know dead beings rot away into the elements from which they were made. The coming of spring, as flowers bloom, new foliage forms and birds busy themselves with nest building and rearing young, is a vivid reminder of the endless cycling of matter, from the environment through living things and back again.

That we die may seem to some people to render life meaningless. This is not a humanist view. We view life as a wonderful experience, an opportunity to know something about the great achievements of human¬kind, to experience love, friendship, joy, grief, success and failure. And as we each die, all will be remembered as memory threads in the rich tapestry of life.

As conscious beings, with awareness and a sense of self, we have memories, plans and hopes. Knowing that death is inevitable makes the prospect of an afterlife, where one can be reunited with loved ones and continue to exist in some nebulous nirvana, very appealing. However, humanists must deal with death without the prop of an imagined afterlife.

Our response should be to celebrate life. Be immersed in and uplifted by the beauty of nature. Enjoy the company of family and friends. Work to improve the well-being of humanity and the conservation of the nature. Focus on the larger picture of life and avoid being drawn into petty quarrels. Be engaged in rewarding activities that do no harm to others or the environment. Live each day as though it could be our last.

Few of us have the stature and life experiences of a Roman Emperor or the fortune to be immortalised in words by a gifted writer. Nevertheless we are all important to those whose lives are intertwined with our own. Perhaps we humanists could do more to formally remember dead family members and friends. As Dick Gross argues ritual and ceremonies are uplifting and energising. Let’s try to create a few humanist ones.


Rosslyn Ives, Victorian Humanist Editor

Membership enquiries to talk about Humanist philosophies may be contacted on hmhodge@optusnet.com.au


Sep 16 2007

When Someone Dies

Tag: Diarymary @ 11:54 pm

Heatbeads in the bed.

I admit I am feeling very tired which I suppose is appropriate at this time of the night given that I’ve had 5 hours sleep in nearly 48!Three small fry stayed overnight (with their mum also, while dad worked)…The two older ones bright eyed and bushy tailed at 6.30 am demanding breakfast – two weetbix each, with toast followed by a crumpet, followed by a drink!, then bathed and dressed while an exhausted mother held babe in arms asleep together…I wished I had a camera as I tip toed back out her bed door and attended to my Nanna duties at the other end of the house!  Have you ever noticed how desirable something becomes inside the room, that is not available?  A closed door is a magnet for that special toy, book, puzzle that nothing else will replace!

————————–

My friend, “Catherine” of 72 years Wednesday,  with her 5 tumors,  has been hospitalised,  yet again…I dare not ring, after the customary three calls remains unanswered….I wonder but I don’t seek!  Just last week I gave her a bunch of golden daffodils….She has a very attentive family.

——————–

I noticed an article under the heading Little Book of Manners, in one of my daughters female magazines which I rarely ever pick up, but this caught my eye….Etiquette for Dummies, lost the author’s name somewhere but it reads:

When Someone Dies

Death can leave even the most socially adept lost for words.   So if someone close to you loses a loved one, save your breath and put pen to paper instead.   A handwritten letter is even more special in today’s digital age, says von Adlerstein, who suggests you choose a blank card rather than a tacky Hallmark job.  Offer your support and say something to help ease the family’s grief.   And remember, some funerals will be a very private affair, so check with the family before turning up.

I thought a couple of expletives….firstly speaking to a close friend is the first thing I would do, if they’d lost their loved one.  The fact “they’re close to me” means I would be expected to allow them to “talk”….So many people avoid bad situations leaving the bereaved feeling even more alone….they may want you to listen, but if you’re saving your breath, you’ll never know because you didn’t try to find out what their needs were.   I have sat for an hour and just held a hand….sometimes words are not necessary after the first sentence spoken!

A handwritten letter is equally possible written within the card….and I don’t think Hallmark or their equivalent are “tacky”…Some people don’t know how to write a message of condolence but because they use the commercial version it doesn’t mean that the words are less powerful……I believe some of them are beautifully crafted….even the religiously toned ones that can ease the person’s pain if faith is helping them through their grief….

But that last sentence….absolutely stuck in my throat…..why on earth would anyone see the need to ring up a bereaved person and seek permission to attend the service???    For heaven’s sake, funerals are not the place to take personal issues to the graveside….even warring factions have a sense of decorum at the appropriate times…..

Recently I attended a funeral where I held uncertain emotions about how the dead person had been “allowed” to suffer needlessly because someone was too bloody lazy to get out of their warm bed and assist a person calling for help.    I dealt with it by avoiding all the family members, sitting to the back of the room, listening intently and crying along with everyone else for the loss of a good person.   I couldn’t see the family’s reaction from way back but nor did I want to…..I was there to respect the memory of someone I held in high regard.   Pure and simply, I was there for the deceased.   It wouldn’t have occurred to me to seek permission to attend!

Usually the “rich and famous” have a private burial and then a public service, but those more rare occasions are usually published along with the funeral arrangement….Even simple folk sometimes have the private service for the family but mostly their relative’s “Yob” friends get an opportunity somehow to show their respect. 

Sometimes I think we become too political correct for our own good!


Sep 14 2007

German politician pushes euthanasia machine

Tag: Diarymary @ 4:00 pm

http://www.cwnews.com/news/viewstory.cfm?recnum=53491

German politician pushes euthanasia machine

Hamburg, Sep. 13, 2007 (CWNews.com) – A former justice minister in the German state of Hamburg has designed a euthanasia machine.

“With the touch of a button, death comes quickly,” explains Dr. Roger Kusch as he introduced his invention. Kusch, who was expelled from the Christian Democrat Party in 2006, said that the green metal box will be made available for hospices, senior-citizen homes, and hospitals by the beginning of next year.

Kusch has formed a political organization with the goal of seeking legalization of euthanasia in Hamburg. The Dr. Roger Kusch Aid in Dying Association hopes to collect 10,000 signatures over the next six months to trigger a statewide referendum on the subject.

One member of parliament, Michael Naumann of the Social Democratic Party of Germany characterized the Kusch initiative as “disgusting and immoral,” and said Kusch himself is “a walking scandal!” The leader of Hamburg’s Christian Democrat Party, Dirk Fischer, agreed: “This man is morally degenerate.”

Choice Comments:  Allowing a person to die slowly and painfully who would rather die quickly and painlessly is the “sitting on the hands scandal” and anyone who believes a hastened death under terminal conditions is disgusting and immoral is yet to experience the need for such actions.   That modern health care allows desperation to continue is criminal negligence.   

There is nothing heroic about dying badly!


Sep 13 2007

Sex life

Tag: Diarymary @ 10:32 am

Warning:   This morning I am talking about my sex life, so be warned and stop reading right now please if the subject will be offensive to you.   A white haired middle aged woman talking about sex is not for everyone!     It is intended to share concerns that other women may find themselves with today,  that I have worked through and recovered from beautifully.

Because of the nature of my activism, that is facing the reality of death but living life to the full in the meantime, relatives rarely venture onto my webpage so I feel reasonably comfortable talking about sex!   Yes, that’s right, sex!   I remembered quite a long time ago on my introductory page I mentioned my diary entries would talk about religion, politics and “that the sex would come later!” …The three taboo subjects at any Dinner Table!

Before I took ill with ovarian cancer in 1999, I think it would be fair to say, I led a fairly sexually active life along with being a workaholic and everything else I undertook with a passion.   I also have learnt since that it is not a subject dealt with comfortable by the health “experts”.

I remembered the last thing in theatre  I said to the doctor that I  hoped “this wasn’t going to upset my sex life!”….Being a young man, he laughed nervously at my forthright comment,  and covered my mouth with the oxygen mask.

Of course, I didn’t know then that I had ovarian cancer but I must have signed something that said they could do whatever needed to be done to save my life, which included everything that I considered feminine.   I’ve never been a beautiful woman to look at, but I’ve been made to feel beautiful by the men in my life.    When I regained consciousness and was told that “everything had been removed with a full hysterectomy I imagined myself never knowing what it would be like to “make love” again.  A very private, painful thought!

Frankly when I saw the scars along the length of my abdomen, I was horrified…..I felt and looked very,  very ugly!  “Two bums” I said, “one at the front of me and one at the back”….I couldn’t imagine any man wanting to touch me again…..I didn’t want to touch me!  Even my lovely sister rocked white faced when she saw the unhealed wounds and all I could think was “please don’t faint and fall over my sore belly!”    Today I still have “two bums” but the scarring is fading with time.

Looking at the RPA (Royal Prince Alfred Hospital Actual Footage of “real” medical emergencies) Television show last night of the lady having an operation for ovarian cancer and watching the enormous lump that was part of her body, I relived it all again….and wondered a year on, if she had experienced anything like I had,  in relation to how she felt as a woman.    Sitting out of bed within a day, I could only marvel at her resilience, although the next shots had her realistically back on the bed!.  

I remember a previous similar story on RPA relating to ovarian cancer and I remembered I couldn’t bear to watch it then, knowing it had been me under that knife only a year or two before….Time heals everything, even the most intense pain!.

I hardly left the bed for a fortnight!   I’d had staples initially but within the week internal stitches had burst and I was returned to theatre, but asked for external stitches instead of the staples which made me feel like a can of sardines to be zipped open!…..Having the stitches removed was very painful, two at a time…and the lovely South African nurse came in on her day off to finished off the removal on consecutive days….She told me about thinking in terms of color to elevate the pain of it.   You can gain some idea of my situation from the photo displayed on another page within this website.

Eventually sometime during the chemotherapy sessions (perhaps three or four months after the operation) my husband indicated he’d like to have his wicked way with me again, which really surprised me, given how I felt about myself.   My abdomen devoid of all my “working parts” I had no idea what to expect.   I literally felt my abdomen was “empty” with basically only my bowel being uncompromised by any cancer…..I had the usual scares with shadowing on the liver and spleen which turned out to be false alarms. 

However, I felt unclean! and I am sure many in the same position as myself will relate to what I mean.   I didn’t want to breathe near anyone, share any cutlery, plates, washed clothes separately, touch skin to skin etc etc….My daughter dropped her child onto my lap but I was both very afraid of being hurt physically either by the child leaning against me,  or the dogs jumping up.     It was a very very stressful period of my life on a number of fronts.

I sought help from one of the nurses on the chemotherapy ward to explain my fears about my diminishing self esteem to deal with the physical act of having intercourse.    At the age of 57 talking to a sweet young thing the age of my daughter, was not easy, but I am not known for ignoring a difficult task and so I persevered with it….Not feeling embarrassed for myself because sex to me, is an extension of a normal harmonious marriage, but the youth of the nurse was a little off-putting…..She was extremely tactful and gave me good advice…..mainly that I had to be kind to myself and allow my man to demonstrate his capacity for a sympathetic and gentle approach to what was for me a major major physical and emotional involvement.

I was very grateful to listen to her sound advice and eventually learned to relax and enjoy myself.   I would be lying if I said it was the same as before because there was no comparison in intensity of feeling, but given the alternatives, it was great sex!   No complaints have been lodged with the Management so it is safe to assume that the service is very satisfactory.    Losing the reproductive body parts does not include losing the bits that leave the woman feeling completely feminine and very much a woman!

Today seven years on, I still know that I am quite capable of enjoying a normal sexual relationship and would like to reassure women in similar positions that “all will be well with your world”….That’s of course, if it ever was a concern to you in the first place…I understand many couples may say in later life that they’re “past all that”…but secretly I don’t believe a word of it!…

Take on board what you need of the personal sharing I’ve done here and disregard what doesn’t equate…..I can’t possibly speak about having my breasts removed which may need a different approach again , all I can speak of are my own personal experiences….Although I’d had one scare with the breast, it was negative.   I can’t imagine being without my breast but I could think my feelings would be similar to losing the womb and ovaries.   I hope I never have to learn that lesson and my heart cries for those who have.

I’ve been going to write this entry for a year or two so now it’s done!    Deep breath, Mary, and out into the sunshine to my dog and my nesting canaries……

Postscript: I have already celebrated my 65th birthday.


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