An anonymous shared insight into the ultimate act of love of a daughter for her parents. I sincerely hope all traces will be gone from the source of the original email, given that many days have passed since I received it. I will not “reply” to the original email as it may be possible to trace a response through that avenue, given modern technology. I suggest the writer never uses the email address again. An informative email for which I am grateful the writer took time to pen to me. I do confess to a sneaking belief that it was not written in an internet cafe, it is too well rounded and has taken all the issues surrounding an illegal act into consideration and addressed them. Perhaps I am being “set up”. I am trusting that the intention of the letter writer is to highlight the unbelievable efforts a person must go, to achieve a good death. It all sounds so very familiar. It could be out of a book. A story repeated a hundred times, with varying degrees of implementation.
The Law needs changing to accommodate the innocent who just happened to have been dealt the unlucky card of bad health – be they thirty or seventy. Quality of life is more important to many people, than quantity of life.
The fact that the substance alluded to, Nembutal, is not available, for prescribing by doctors (in Australia), makes it extremely difficult to acquire. I agree with the writer, the average frail, very sick differently abled person would have great difficulty in opening the bottle, even if one should have it available. I can’t agree that it was the same substance as she speaks of, because the Documentary makers were very clever, from memory, in not filming the label because of legal concerns.
I smiled as I read of straining the fluid through to get out the rubber bits – rather like me picking up the used syringe in the car park and carefully washing it in Dettol to make it safe for use. I thought to “find and buy a heroine fix” and I would automatically overdose never having had it in my life! Wrong! - And yes, swallowing 100 pills can make one vomit and also stuff up the kidneys, taking up to five days to die badly…which rather defeats the purpose…… Desperate people do desperate things! What stupid ideas we think of!
As the entire contents of the following email deals with voluntary euthanasia in the true sense of the word, I do not see myself at loggerheads with the authorities on the legislation dealing with suicide…..It does not incite suicide, but rather informs others based on a personal experience of implementing VE and how the debate for its use is going on, regardless of the law. So much grief - caused to normally “law abiding” citizens needing to be deceptive – because the Law does not cater for the practicalities of the dying process once the body starts to break down. Love need not be challenged at this time in a person’s life. Will the new 2007 Victorian Parliament bring us a Pro Choice Politician who will bring in a Bill to Parliament and have 73% of us, heard in the most important forum of all? Where it counts – in Parliament.
Health and wellbeing far outnumber any peripheral consideration to the chronic or terminally ill. No amount of inheritance can equate with the gift of health. Progressive failing health is not something anyone can look forward to with a degree of calm and acceptance, if the truth be acknowledged by even the most ardent Pro Life Advocate. Faith for some will sustain them while they suffer, but for people like myself, I see no point in suffering without “that light at the end of the tunnel”.
I share the daughter’s story with my readers. Thank you to the writer for sharing this personal record of your life with other like minded individuals…..
To Mary Walsh:
“Two Cases of VE in an Australian State”
Hello Mary,
I am writing to you as a result of having seen you in the SBS program in which you were featured, which aired in November.
As you are a VE activist, there is probably not much I can tell you except for some personal experience of VE that I have. Nevertheless, I wish to share this with you, as you may find it useful.
Firstly, I should tell you who I am. Well, I cannot do that, as I have in the past broken the law in regard to assisting in VE and therefore I could be prosecuted.
To protect myself, I am sending this email from an Internet cafe using a hotmail account that I have created here today, so as to reduce the chance of me being traced. I am also aware of the Australian Law regarding electronic discussion of this matter. For that reason, I will not name specific substances or use official terms, in case scanning programs trace my email content. (However, the government may well be monitoring your email under the current law that came into force in January 2006.)
I will check this email address in a couple of week’s time in case you reply. It would appreciate any reply you are able to make, although understand if you cannot. I am happy for you to put this letter up on you web site if you want to. If you do that, there is no need to reply via email at all, as I will look on your site again in a few weeks.
I cannot prove to you that I am not a spy from the Right To Life organisation or some other organisation opposed to VE. On that you will have to take my word, although I hope that the details I provide herein will convince you that I am a supporter of VE, and write to you legitimately.
So, to get to the details, both my parents died via drinking the substance you acquired overseas. I was involved in both cases. The main point I wish to make to you is that the substance does provide a very quick and peaceful end. From the time of intake of the drugs until unconsciousness was only five minutes, and I estimate that death came less than five minutes after that. It was as though they had received an anaesthetic, they quietly went to sleep.
Firstly, my father, who had been healthy all his life, but also a heavy smoker, suffered a stroke. He was aged in his mid 70’s. This happened in the mid 1990s. He was left paralysed down the left side. Because it was a left-sided stroke (right brain), his speech was unaffected. Certainly his mind and reasoning were unaffected. He had no trace of dementia or Alzheimer’s disease.
From the day of his stroke until his death some months later, he was implacably determined to seek VE. My mother (they had been happily married for over 40 years) was of course devastated by his illness and distraught about the prospect his suffering without improvement, and of the possibility if his death.
Nevertheless, my mother assisted him (and in fact organised) the method for him to end his life. She contacted a person involved in VE who came to visit my parents in their house. This was very shortly following my father’s months-long stay in various hospitals after his stroke. This person spoke to the four of us (I was also present, as was my spouse) about the options, and also conducted a long discussion about the possibility of NOT seeking VE.
My mother, my spouse and myself all went over many times with my father his options, but no matter what we suggested, he unbendingly stated that he wanted to die, because his quality of life was unacceptable to him. He had also found his treatment in the hospitals very demeaning, with nurses having to wash him, wipe his bottom, and so forth.
Some people do recover after a stroke, but my father showed very little signs of recuperation. I think his age was against him in this regard. I know for example that the tennis player Rod Laver recovered quite well after a stroke, but Rod Laver’s occurred aged about 62. He was a fit sportsman too, which also probably helped his body overcome the stroke.
In any case, I digress, although I wanted to give you that background into my father’s health, and health prospects.
Through the VE contact my mother arranged, my parents were able to acquire the Mexican juice you obtained, and also a supply of one hundred sleeping capsules (or tablets? ?I can’t remember). This particular sleeping drug has a delicate margin of therapeutic use, and in overdose is lethal. One hundred tablets is such an overdose. Maybe you know what this drug is, but I am not prepared to name it here.
The person advised to use all hundred capsules (I opened them and combined the powder), mixed with yoghurt, and to eat this mixture. Then consume all the Mexican juice. In the end, this is what occurred (my father drank the Mexican juice without any dilution). He took the mixture around 9:15 PM on a weeknight (not a Friday night), so that next day would be a normal business day rather than a weekend, in order that the doctor would be available and so forth.
The required result was achieved very quickly. My mother lay with him on the bed and he went to sleep within five minutes. I had left the bedroom as soon as he consumed the materials, after firstly of course saying goodbye, which I had also done before he had taken the substances. I went back to my own house about an hour later, after trying to comfort my mother. (My spouse had not attended that night, staying at home to care for our children.)
Before consuming the materials, my mother and I again asked my father whether he was SURE that he wanted to go ahead. He expressed no flicker of doubt.
My mother then slept the night in the spare bedroom of her house and raised the alarm next morning when she found him dead in the bed, saying simply that she found him this way when she woke at 7am. (She slept in a separate room since his return from hospital, or at least that was the story.)
Certainly she did go into the other bedroom that night, rather than lie next to him after he had gone. Their usual GP signed the death certificate. The GP said that my father had probably had another stroke or heart attack in his sleep. Funeral arrangements then proceeded normally, with cremation used.
My mother had a note my father had written in his own (shaky) handwriting ?luckily he was right handed so could still write. It included the date. My mother could have produced this note, in case of any suspicion, or if the doctor was unwilling to write out a death certificate. When that did not occur, she destroyed the note, after the cremation.
Had she been required to produce the note, she would have said that she found amongst his papers after his death. The note simply said that he had planned the whole thing himself, had no assistance from anyone else, and apologised for having taken his own life, but felt he had no prospect of improving significantly and was not prepared to accept the quality of life that lay before him. That way, we were told, it would be very hard for any prosecution to occur.
My mother never remarried, nor ever had another man friend either before or after my father’s death. They had always owned everything jointly, so she had no monetary motive for wanting my father dead. She had absolutely NO motive at all. My parents had the perfect marriage. I believe my mother acted out of love, to shorten my father’s suffering, although for her to lose him was something she never fully got over.
My mother, my spouse and I all felt at the time that the situation was ridiculous. We are law-abiding people, and sought to assist a loved one in his hour of ultimate need. Yet we could all have been gaoled for our involvement, well perhaps not my spouse, who was not actively involved on the night, but certainly my mother and myself were actively involved.
I will now go into the circumstances of my mother’s death. This occurred in the last 12 months. My mother had been ill for many years with a degenerative disease. It was not cancer or any other strictly terminal illness. Over the past five years, she deteriorated quite markedly each year. In 2004, she became worse to the point where she started having trouble caring for herself at home (she lived alone, within 5 km of my house).
A few months before her death, she had a worsening of her condition, which required hospitalisation. She was in hospital for many weeks. When she came home, she was just barely able to cope, she had a lot of help come in, my spouse and I also stepped up our involvement, which had already been increasing over the past few years as she deteriorated.
She had quite a deal of pain, but pain was not the primary thing that caused my mother to decide that the time was now right for VE. She had talked about it for many years, saying that she knew that in the end she would decline to the point where her quality of life and future prospects were such that she would not wish to go on.
As with my father, we sought options. We offered for her to come and live with us, we offered for her to get a full-time nurse or live-in carer, we offered for her to go into an assisted retirement village. However she rejected all these, and abhorred the idea of a nursing home. As she said, she was barely able to move around in her house at home, because she felt so sick. What quality of life is there in that, she said? (As with my father, my mother, who was nearly 80 when she died, was absolutely mentally alert.)
Her recuperative powers were really terrible, worse than my father’s. She had been very slow to respond whenever she had been hospitalised with this illness (many times over the past decade particularly). This was in comparison to other patients, her specialist said. Unfortunately my mother had never been physically active (she had led a very sedentary life), and I think this really limited her body’s ability to bounce back.
Also, during the past year, she had a trans-ischemic attack (known in the medical world as a TIA), and whilst it does not generally do permanent damage as a full-blown stroke does, it is a warning sign that a full-blown stroke is possible.
My mother was terrified of a big stroke, which would leave her incapacitated, as it did my father. There was a little permanent damage in her case, as her handwriting became very bad and she had some difficult thinking of the correct word to use sometimes. This had not been a trait of hers beforehand. However, she remained rational and clear-headed. In short, she was definitely compos-mentis.
For someone wanting VE, there is a fine line to tread to know when the time is right. If you get too sick (for example, have a stroke and are hospitalised), then you lose control, as VE is virtually impossible whilst you are an inpatient. Certainly, relatives assisting would risk prosecution, as it is hard to set up the kind of scenario that you can at home. My mother was well aware of this.
So, in spite of many conversations about her future, she also seemed set on the idea of VE. She had wanted to travel to Mexico for some years, but had not been well enough. She went interstate four years ago, only just making it, through fatigue and generally being unwell, and frankly she could not in the last two years have even contemplated a trip on the local bus, let alone travelling overseas.
I had offered to go in her place and obtain it, but she would not consider it on the grounds that I may be picked up upon re-entry to Australia.
My mother had obtained a lot of the sleeping drug mentioned above through visits to various doctors. She planned to use that, but was very concerned that whilst it is effective, death generally takes about six hours. She did not want to die alone, and wanted someone (and there seemed no-one else except me who could do this, as only myself and my spouse knew her plans) to stay until she was definitely deceased, but could not see how this was possible. It seemed that the best time to use VE is about 9PM, when there is little chance of friends telephoning, and also it allows a good amount of time before the person is unexpectedly found dead in their bed the next day.
That makes it harder for the doctor to determine the time of death.
My mother had the quite unfounded fear, in my view, that she might wake up vomiting after taking the sleeping tablets and choke on her own vomit, or else the tablets might bring on a stroke rather than death, and without someone else present, she could be in trouble. She was adamant that she wanted someone in the house from the time of ingestion until death, so that any unforeseen possibility such as this would not arise. Nevertheless, she was a sick elderly woman; I did not want to argue with her that this was terribly unlikely. I also understood that she would want someone present, it is a hard enough thing to do, and doing it by yourself would, for many people, make it more difficult.
So this left us with the difficult scenario that I would have to stay at her house until around 4AM to wait and confirm that the drug had done its job.
This would be bad, as if I was seen leaving her house at such an odd time I could be implicated. Also, my car could have been seen outside her house during the night by a neighbour, again raising suspicion. Also my children would find it odd that I had not been in our house that previous night, even when they went to bed, which is usually not until 11PM or so. That would also probably draw attention the next day, after she was found dead.
Luckily, my mother had a contact who, when told of the problem, was prepared to supply one bottle of the Mexican juice to my mother. This was an incredibly kind thing to have done, as I suspect the bottle may have been the one that the donor had stored for himself or herself, for future use.
(This donor is healthy and does not need VE in the foreseeable future, but like other healthy people – myself included – likes to know that it is there and available, in case of unexpected illness.)
That is what happened, the donor supplied the Mexican juice, and no money changed hands – the donor absolutely refused any compensation for the cost of the bottle or for the cost of getting a replacement. A donation was given to a charity in lieu of any money changing hands, and the donor agreed to that.
So my mother just used the Mexican juice. She had read that it is totally effective just by itself. It is indeed incredibly effective, and it worked as I described above with my father.
On the chosen night, I went to my mother’s place as usual about 7PM (I had been in the habit of doing that since her illness). We opened the bottle very carefully. It was exactly the bottle I saw you flush down the toilet in Mexico on the TV programme. It had a little round metal seal, then the rubber cap. The rubber cap is very difficult to remove, as it is not designed for that, it is designed to be pierced by a hypodermic syringe. I had to struggle for quite some time with a small pair of manicure scissors to cut it, and even then some fragments of the rubber cap fell into the Mexican juice.
A sick person may have considerable trouble opening that bottle, you might want to be aware of that, although I suppose you know, from having opened it in Mexico.
I strained the Mexican juice through a tea strainer to remove most of the rubber pieces from it. We then diluted it 3 parts Mexican juice to 1 part Blackberry juice concentrate, to make it more palatable, added two teaspoons of sugar, and stirred. It was now in an ordinary kitchen tumbler, ready to drink. My mother tasted it, and said that it was drinkable (not too bitter). All this time I had also had an oven pan underneath the liquid when it was in the bottle then the drinking glass. (In case of spillage, the Mexican juice would be retrievable from the pan.)
So we went to the bedroom, where she got into bed. We said our final goodbye and she drank the entire contents of the glass. She was careful to handle the glass well after I gave it to her, so that her fingerprints would be well and truly on the glass after mine had been. SHE then put the glass in the bottom drawer of her bedside cabinet, and I did not touch it again.
I spoke to her about my love for her and my satisfaction with my life, and after a few minutes she lost consciousness, her speech slurring a little in the last few seconds before her eyes shut. It was very gentle.
The next morning she was found by the helper that came each day to assist her (the helper had a key to let herself in). The helper rang me, which was good, because I was, after feigning shock and surprise, able to tell her to ring my mother’s usual GP and not the ambulance. The GP came, arriving at my mother’s house before I did. By the time I arrived, the death certificate was already almost completed. He said she had suffered a heart attack in her sleep during the night. That was listed as the cause of death. With a death certificate, I was able to ring a funeral director and have the arrangements proceed as normal. There was never any hint of a problem here, nobody in the slightest suspected what had happened.
My mother had written a note in her own handwriting, which I was careful not to touch. (After her death, I realise she made the mistake of not dating it. I still have it, from the handwriting it can be seen that it written in her final two months – after her mini-stroke. When I go public with this story in some year’s time, as I plan to do, I will have the note as supporting evidence.)
The plan was that in case of any suspicion, specifically refusal by the doctor to sign a death certificate, I could, some days later, claim that I had found the note amongst my mother’s papers. It stated that she had gone down the VE path of her own accord and with no knowledge or involvement of anyone else.
That’s why it was important for her to leave the glass in her bedside cabinet – it stayed there whilst the doctor attended to her and whilst the undertakers came for her – in fact it stayed there until after the cremation. Then I finally retrieved it and threw it out.
We were advised to leave a scenario that would be plausible in the case where an investigation did take place. That’s why the Mexican bottle was simply disposed of in the kitchen bin, sure, it could have been found there in case of investigation, but it would be consistent with my mother putting it there. It could be reasoned that, alone, she opened the bottle, poured the contents into a glass, went into her bedroom and drank it, leaving the glass in her bedside cabinet.
No attempt should be made to wash the bottle for instance, or get rid of it, as that would imply outside help, we were told. Also, the person assisting should use no gloves. (It is possible to detect this during an
investigation.)
The overriding approach should be not to do anything that would not be normal. It would not be normal for someone to wear gloves in the house, so don’t. It would not be normal for a person about to die to wash up a bottle, so don’t. And so on.
Another tip is that when the person is found dead, you should call the usual doctor, not the ambulance. We made that mistake with my father. When the ambulance staff realised he was dead and not able to be resuscitated, they called the police. The ambulance staff then stayed until the police arrived. The police were then present until the doctor had signed the death certificate. Then only left then. It was an unnecessary and unpleasant complication.
Also, the doctor should have seen the person recently, as in that case they are more able to write out a death certificate immediately. In reduces the chance of an autopsy. A thorough autopsy can reveal the presence of Mexican juice. Both my mother and father ensured that they had a consultation with the GP very shortly before the appointed date they had chosen.
I realise that you personally may wish to not proceed in this covert way, because you prefer the role of a VE activist, but my mother wanted it the secret way. She felt that there was a societal stigma. She thought this stigma wrong, as she was not ashamed of her use of VE, but still wanted it this way, mainly, I think, to protect me. She also told me that she did not want her still young grandchildren to know that she had done this, mainly because it is against the law, and she thought they may not understand. When they are adults, my spouse and I plan to tell them about both their grandparents.
Anti-VE people who read this article may accuse me of matricide because I stood to gain financially from her death. She was not a multi-millionaire but was reasonably comfortably financially. It is true that I was a major recipient of her assets under her will.
All I can say to that is that I was already a fairly wealthy person, and the inheritance of my mother’s estate has not altered my way of life. I still live in the same house, work in the same office, catch the same public transport to work, and have not been (nor do I plan) any overseas travel.
I’ve not bought any boats, fast cars or other consumer items since her death.
The proceeds of my mother’s estate are in fact invested, with a view to giving my children a start when they become young adults. And that was always going to happen, whether my mother died now or in five or ten year’s time (given her condition she had no plausible chance of living longer, as research on the web regarding her condition, and her specialist’s opinion, will confirm). So there was no tangible overall benefit in her leaving us sooner rather than later.
The other point is that those who assist in VE are usually close relatives, so it is a no-win situation, as they can usually be accused of attempting to coerce the person into VE because of thoughts of the will.
However I know that I have a clear conscience in this regard. Both my parents absolutely and implacably wanted VE, and I was grieved to lose them.
I regarded it as an act of love that I could assist them in this final wish, after all they had done for me. I think the same is true for the vast majority of other people. In my view, very few people would want their parents dead prematurely.
If I were in your position, where your family appears to not be in agreement with your planned use of VE, I would check myself into a motel and do it there by myself. I do not think there is any chance of failure with the Mexican juice. That way, you can leave an open note, and your family does not need to be involved in the practicalities. It will only require a family member to identify you when your remains arrive at the mortuary.
There is a mountain of religious people who oppose you, please do not underestimate that. I believe that they are still very firmly in the minority of the general public. Although you and I fiercely disagree with these opponents, they are not stupid, and they certainly know how to mobilise themselves and campaign loud and hard for the outcome they want.
Their tactics is the most successful political tactic down the centuries:
the scare campaign. Works every time!
Also, be aware that putting material like this up on the web could lead to an opponent seeking to infiltrate the VE network and then blow the whistle.
But I still think that this material should go up and be made public, as people have a right to know you can use VE underneath the law and succeed, and also not leave a legal problem for your loved ones after you have gone.
Although you and I and most other people support VE, the opponents are very well organised and can mount a very loud campaign whenever the chance of legalisation arises. I do not think the law will be changed in my lifetime.
My approach, when my time comes, is to simply act in the way my mother did.
However I plan to get the Mexican juice myself (and for my spouse) well ahead of when I need it. Luckily, I have a way of getting it here in Australia, due to my line of work. I cannot be more specific. Maybe when I am older I will become a vocal advocate.
I think Dr Syme is the best spokesman the movement has, as he is articulate, measured in what he says, very intelligent, and only talks about the issue – he does not attack his opponent with personal abuse or trite cheap shots, as many of the anti-VE people do.
Best Wishes, and I think you are a remarkably strong woman for taking the stance you do.
Atheists believe that there is nothing beyond human life and human understanding.