This morning I have spent some time retyping a brochure, refer drop down menu,  Additional/Related Readings/Children & Death, produced by the Australian Funeral Directors Association namely

What Do We Tell the Children – A Simple Guide for Adults to help Children understand Death.

One of its paragraphs speaks of explaining death by comparison to a flower – budding, growing, blossom, flower, which then dies when its time for living is over.   It made me think about my own interpretations of life on earth and the possibilities of “eternal life” and how I just cannot believe, even to be polite, in a life after death.   I don’t want, need or expect anything after this life, and yet others spend their whole earthly life preparing for the next one.  From my perspective, it is such a waste of a life spent on this earth in the here and now.  

I recently described myself as a dandelion, that bright yellow flower that is both seen as a weed and yet is tenacious in death, being difficult to get rid of and kill off.

I had a short moment of brilliance this morning when I took that thought one step further,  when I hit upon an explanation that could explain all points of views, using the analogy of flowers.   My view is that of the “annuals“, the flower that must be replaced year after year, (or one lifetime), others who believe in reincarnation are the “bulbs” that sit in ground having died back but need the right condition to regenerate their flower and then there are the “perennials” which just go on forever like the “forgetmenots”.

I am not a “dandelion” after all.  I proved to have a fixed life span, and know I can be “killed off” given the right conditions.   Even, given my fighting spirit,  poor soil and lack of water eventually will prove fatal.   Agapanthus (bulbs) have been here since the Egyptian times though.   (Trees also have their place – wattles live short term – oaks forever (almost))

I am “an annual”, my sister is “a bulb” and many friends are “perennials”.   We each “flower” for the purpose intended and then having served our time, go our separate ways.       Mother Nature is a smart woman…she caters for all of us!

With respect to the writer of this email (slight spelling corrections) I have repeated an email received recently because it tells where the pain can take any and all of us. 

Yes, you are correct. I’m not an agnostic or atheist, nor I’m I a fanatical religious right. I guess you could consider me spiritual believing in GOD and but sometimes going through strong periods where I call myself an atheist. I change from day to day but try to live by good ethics. Anyways, if I decide I want to die it should be MY RIGHT. Why is it that an animal is treated with love and compassion and euthanized.

But as a human being all I have to look forward to is a torture!!! That’s uncivilized and in my opinion down right evil. To make someone suffer in pain with no hope of recovery. Or live life as a quadriplegic for 20 years. #1 it wastes valuable medical resources and finances and hurts the poor that need medical care #2 It goes against the individuals right to choose their life and puts the government in control of YOUR life.

_________________

Yesterday was food for my earthly soul.   I was required to stand in at short notice in my grand mother’s role and take two very small little boys to an incursion at their local kindergarten.   I spent some little time, making men and dogs out of play dough, always therapeutic for a troubled soul!     The special treat was the arrival of a mobile farm animal menagerie.

My two boys were a delight but rather timid on their own within the compound so in I went with them, introducing each animal by name and then testing their skills for memory.   Having Nana beside them made all the difference in the world.   Chatter and laughter were shared with other unattended small fry and a good time was had by all.   They even gained the confidence to pat the animals……

Now I could expect my own two may want to share their every joy with me as squeals of delight emanated from the excited children but what really touched me deeply were the other children’s reactions.    One little girl slid her hand slowly into mine as she looked on in amazement as the rabbits, chickens and guinea pigs all clustered together through the fence…..She looked up at me expectantly waiting for my reaction to her timid approach.  And I bent down at her level enjoying her simple pleasure of the small creatures….And then as my children’s interest waned and I rested up watching them play on the equipment, an excited little Indian boy grabbed me by the hand and insisted I allowed him to show me the animals (having spent an hour with them previously!)…I went through the gates with him firmly grasping my hand (he wasn’t letting this one get away), with him literally dancing with excitement….you just had to share it with him….feed bowl in hand I tried to explain that the animal was desperate to get to his food but he needed to put into into his hand to make for easier access….In spite of his reservations he listened to me (unlike politicians) opened his hand and allow the goat to eat.

I realised yesterday that to a small child I looked OK,   It was nice that I was approached by others rather than me intruding in their space.   They actually shared their joys with me unconditionally,  as children do.

 ____________

A notice on the wall of the kindergarten attracted my attention “Smiles don’t have Colours” or words to that effect, and again I thought about all the pain and suffering generated by the adults of the world, and wondered at what point we could become more child like in our ability to share the day with each other.  

I know that children must grow up eventually, but it would be so much nicer if they could bring some of their natural affinity to enjoy the simple things in life into the average politicians world – One thing though the kids wouldn’t have to teach them, how to forget unpleasant happenings…I didn’t know, I can’t recall, I can’t read, I didn’t read, No one told me,  Who can I blame??

If Private Jake Kovco’s death in Baghdad,  has shown us anything, be it accident, murder or suicide, I feel the circumstances demonstrate to the world that our politicians will lie and cheat their way out of any situation as it suits them.   Mr Howard, Downer, Vaile, and Nelson.    It is my feeling that is how Australia was committed to the war, in the first instance -  Political opportunism. 

Michael Burd of Toorak, the letter writer mentioned in my previous entry for the 17th will no doubt have something kind to say about this latest example of political dishonesty.  

Is anyone else wondering about the intelligence of the men running  Australia?   In private industry gross incompetence is sackable. 

When will the Industrial Relations Laws come into force for our politicians on behalf of the People of Australia, who today are paying good money for shoddy workmanship?.

Where is the Opposition?

Last week’s episode of All Saints Hospital (a soapie, on channel 7,  which approaches serious issues on occasions) dealt with an emergency in which a 20 year girl was admitted to the Emergency Department, having been hit by a car.   In the “plot” the lass was a lapsed Jehovah Witness.   It raised the issue of being given,  or not being given a blood transfusion,  based on religious beliefs.   The father a devout JW, against the fiancées, who did not share the father’s beliefs.   One hour of precious time was lost while the rights of the father to deny her the blood transfusion, were debated,  against the distress of the other to “save” her whatever it took.   An emergency meeting was called to establish “Rights” because she wasn’t carrying her JW card and conflicting points of view were making the legal waters murky.  Yet, in Victoria,  a genuine “Living Will” or Advance Directive  does not hold any power (just a really serious  indication of what the patient wants for themselves).   Bottom line was that too much time was lost debating the protocols and the girl died.  End of Story!

Just as well it wasn’t “my call”, because I believe only the girl herself,  had to right to deny what would have otherwise have saved her.   Which brings me back to the firm belief that we only have a right to make a choice, which could result in death, for ourselves.     Parents,  I believe do not have the right to make a decision which ultimately will kill their child, who would otherwise survive and go on to live full and fulfilling lives.  For themselves, fine, being fully informed it is their choice but for those they are responsible for, every effort should be made to preserve life when it is not a chronic or terminal circumstances. 

I couldn’t “believe” in a merciful God who would “rather” a child die because of a belief that blood is “another’s life”……As a blood donor for over ten years, I was very much alive before and after the event.   In turn, when I needed blood it saved my life, and gave me the additional strength I needed to cope with the chemotherapy.   

Why is a Jehovah Witness permitted to make a decision, honoured in law based on religious beliefs that will result in a death, yet I am not given the same opportunities in my capacity as an atheist or agnostic or whatever I happen to be? 

Is this a form of passive discrimination against one set of beliefs over another?

Based on the legality of the story, and if hospitals really take so much care in establishing what the woman would have wanted for herself, one has to ask the question, why then is it so hard to establish a Do Not Resuscitate protocol that is legally binding in law.   Why can’t my wishes be honoured in reality to the extent the father’s wishes were adhered to in the story line?  The dilemma cost a young girl her life in theory yet aged and infirmed people are being kept on life support systems regardless of their wishes, and medication administered which while it extends life, does not give it quality.

A couple of weeks ago the same hospital drama did a segment on Not for Resuscitation where the staff worked for some two hours to resuscitate a heart attack case, where the guy spooked them by opening and closing his eyes all through their efforts to bring him back to life.    Story line was that,  his records when made available had shown him to be “Not for Resuscitation”, they stopped immediately and allowed the guy peace.    I watched enthralled, thinking although this is a TV drama, it could be any one of us.

Precisely my reasoning and why I have tattooed on my chest “Do Not Resuscitate”.   There can be no lost files or pieces of paper that go missing at the crucial time.   There can be no misunderstandings about my last living wish and wants.  

For days I have held onto a chronic headache which I suppose it not helped by those little yellow pills…..Distracting myself in the garden, birds and dogs do help though!.  COTA sent me a questionnaire along with my monthly magazine this month and so I took the opportunity to ask them in the black box left for “Additional” to represent Seniors also in Death and Dying issues, along with the healthy discussion about health, concessions, and working longer.   I would like to think I am not alone is seeking COTA’s support for legalization of Advance Directives/Living Wills or VE.    With a State Election in November please make the most of being heard.

I have asked Dying with Dignity Victoria to provide speakers for both the Seniors Conference and COTA, both who prefer to deal with organisations.

One really good bit of news though is confirmation that I may use a book (The Last Right) which is under Additional/Related Readings/Books in which two professors managed to get the views of VI Australians on voluntary euthanasia (55 in all).    The views are both for and against VE, but the beauty is,  that it exists at all.   Normally I wouldn’t do something so comprehensively given my limited resources but this was such an important opportunity I could not ignore it.  Leather spent alone searching for it, only to find it eventually on the “net”.   And all the other books I acquired just in entering domain of books!  I give three away and end up with another five!.

I was touched by the film, The Magdalene Sisters, 2002 which was shown on April 5th, SBS and admit that it revisited  some very bad memories.   What may have looked like “entertainment” for many who watch the ‘telly’ for me it was my childhood without the nudity scenes.  

I remembered sitting in the Keno Theatre when it was released originally,  There were five grey haired ladies all sitting seats wide apart from each other.   We sat mostly in dead silence and laughed quietly momentarily,  at the discomfort of the priest for just a moment, when he was publicly humiliated.   (When I reported a Priest attempting to kiss me, to a Nun, she basically told me to “make allowances for the Father!”)………  To a woman we left with a handkerchief to our eyes.   Then I returned a second time with a friend at her request so she could visit a world that was totally alien and incomprehensible to her.  We then went out to dinner together and I cried once more at the memories.   Even down to dressing and undressing within a nightdress, being locked in a dormitory with barred windows.  One thing that wasn’t the way I remember my days in the Good Shepherd Orphanage was the luxury of the food for the nuns, I believe they lived as frugal a life as we did.   Although when I think about it, they weren’t thin either.  They just weren’t beaten and humiliated to the extent that the children were.   But their compassion was non existent and the Mother Superior’s low tone of constant scathing assault on our self esteem was how I remember it.  Voices were raised by the nuns but more often than not, it was softly calculated for maximum impact by the putting one down at every opportunity.   We were always mindful of “pride”.    And one nun would never prevent another nun from having her way with us during those beatings and humiliations.   My sister could view no further when the head shaving and brutal cutting off of hair were screened because she had seen me with her own eyes in precisely that situation when about 13 years old.   I had to wear a short white veil to cover my bald head.    The film was based on fact.

Yes, we are the product of our upbringing and although it happened half a century ago it explains possibly most of my attitudes to life today at 63.    I cannot understand how any of the subjects in the film could remain catholic, but their “faith” or conditioning ensured they did.   For most of us, I think we went away from any person that remotely reminded us of that.  It may have taken a couple of years perhaps five,  to break the chain, but for me it fell away easily….very easily.

My headache is intensifying, and I am meant to be socialising for lunch.   Life does go on we all know, but perhaps what has gone before us will always make death a viable option to living.    Perhaps this explains perfectly why I am so passionate about choiceindying.

A letter published in the Good Weekend April 14, (Dr Bertram Wainer was the Advocate for decimalizing abortion in Victoria.  Abortion remains today as a crime on the statute books but if a woman life is at risk it may be performed medically legal).  

“The Man Who Saved Women” reminded me to give thanks to those doctors who combine compassion with the courage to test the boundaries.   Bertram Wainer was such a man.   Rodney Syme, president of Dying with Dignity in Victoria, is another.  These reformers have my admiration and gratitude.

Betty Teltscher, South Yarra, Vic.

My sentiments entirely Ms Teltscher, and I would include Dr Philip Nitschke also in my vote of thanks and admiration.   Without the pioneers upsetting the conventional comfort zones,  deeply entrenched views will remain, views that favour the rich and powerful (money and fame open many doors).   Unfortunately society is settling into a rut where standing up for principles is seen as a waste of time and without financial gain there is little incentive to rock the boat of complacency that is gripping the Western world.

I wrote of my personal experiences regarding abortion on the 8th, after the program went to air. 

In another letter published, written by “Michael Burd of Toorak”  the comment is “it would be ironic if the Howard Government falls because they did everything in their power to hold on to valuable wheat contracts that would otherwise gone to our competitors” and goes on to ask whether Labor would have done things differently answering himself with “yeah right”.   The same letter writer (how does he get two published days apart?) talks in language of “I’m alright Jack” when he rebukes writers who supported the West Papuans “because of the fear of terrorism from angry Islamic Indonesians”.   Mr Burd is using people’s misery for political gain and from his letters appears well placed to be seen as a personal friend of the Liberal Party.   If the writer’s address had been Glenroy instead of Toorak, I feel his letters may well be seen as more balanced.

Australians in Bali were targeted directly out of a perception by some Muslims that we were participating in an unjust war against their religion.     And “selling” oil in return for food – just reeks of an unjustifiable superiority.  Israel does have weapons of mass destruction right within the Middle East, why then are other countries ordered not to have them, and are then threatened by America for refusing to conform.   Hamas, voted into Palestine by a democratic vote starved of funds to bring it to its knees,  with America pulling the strings of other nations     Master – Slave mentality. 

If perceptions like that are made by me as a white Anglo Australian just imagine how it looks to a person from the East with, sometimes an entirely different set of values about what is ethically correct.   Nothing I have seen or heard stops me from feeling sympathy for the Arab’s place on the world stage.   The West will attempt to bully them at their peril.   I feel it can only be a good thing when China achieves Space Age technology which will result in two giants of the world being on an equal footing.  We need balance to prevent the bullies winning.     When I think that American technology would develop food seeds that will only deliver one crop deliberately to force the world to beg food from them, they are a scary race of people to be up against.  The fact that some Americans, like Michael Moore ensure America’s methods are broadcast globally shows me that there is hope for change. .  I still hear Oprah asking “Why does the rest of the World, hate Us?”, after 9/11 and she was smart enough to be able to answer herself.  Many were surprised at the ferocity of the attack on the World Trade Centre and the vast majority of the world’s people were appalled, including Muslims, but we chose not to remember that.  The winners get to write the history books.

If Australia goes to war in Iran in support of America we will have lost our integrity.    We also need to remember that Islam has not brought the war to Australia, we have taken our men and our weapons to their lands.    We are the aggressors.  When will we show peace and love and compassion and tolerance and that Aussie mantra of giving “the poor bastards a fair go!”.  Come on Aussie, come on.

Not at all, with the way we are heading this country,  mychoiceindying.

_______________ 

Bits and pieces taken from Religion for Dummies (I own this book, because I am a dummy when it comes to understanding religion) 

I believe religion is the root of most evils.   My perception arises out of actions taken in the name of religion and tend to depress me rather than give me a feeling of great joy and love which is the usual theme dished up in a fairy tale way.  The realities tend to be more brutal.   Watching the story, on Compass of Father Ted Kennedy, late of Redfern Catholic Church, an Activist for Aboriginal Rights, he stood out from the crowd as a compassionate man of the people.   Living his religion, rather than talking of it!

We are reminded that religious hopefulness is not the same thing as optimism.   Optimism is the attitude that things are great.  Religious hopefulness is actually built upon the idea that things aren’t so great, but that we don’t see the whole picture.  The incompleteness of human knowing is met by the hope that the world holds more promise than we can see from our limited perspective.

For many, we have to hope that all the fighting that is going on throughout the world in the name of God, Allah or whatever your belief system is that God is a many headed being for the sake of peace in the afterlife, otherwise people will just take all their hatred and intolerances with them into their “next life”.   I am so glad I won’t be meeting them there!. 

I will write more from this book under Related Readings – Others.  I am particularly interested in the section dealing with “What Happens after We Die? and also “Body and Soul – ‘Til death do us part.      So many words dealing with people’s beliefs but when I read them,  I can’t help but wonder why the whole earth is not one big church because so many believe in the same principles – they just don’t live  them by example. 

The lies told in  the Australian Wheat Board enquiry is not my understanding of good Christian values at work.  But, but, but!!   83% of people surveyed in the Age of April 17 do not believe the Government was deceived by the Australian Wheat Board.  The other 17%, I feel were probably friends and relatives of Michael Burd (2 letters mentioned above)  of Toorak.

If ever I should be taken to court for whatever reason, I will use as my defence.   “I Can’t Recall”. 

If that defence works for those governing Australia in deep collusion with people who hold their finger over the “Red Button”, we should start worrying about their capacity to Govern.    When the East and the West really fire up in WW111, knowing where to find the bunkers under Parliament House will require a very good memory.     I won’t have to concern myself about euthanasia then, but the politicians will definitely need a quick pill for Alzheimer’s.   I hope they can recall where they left the medication for it though!

The time on my previous entry tells me that it is four days since I attempted to sleep without 1/2 of a little yellow pill.   Whilst I may be a very passionate person, I am not an addictive one, so try and stop the body beautiful from becoming totally dependent on any one drug.  So that  -  when it counts I won’t have an unexpected tolerance built in.    The eternal optimist……

Having been awake for some hours now I decided to do a cut and paste job in under Additional – Related Readings- VE topics (as distinct from humor) I have reproduced two articles published in the Newsletters of the Victorian Humanist and the defunct VESV now renamed Dying with Dignity Victoria (DWDV).

The first article was on request of that Society “The case in favour of Voluntary Euthanasia” and I thought it was a wonderful opportunity to state our views to a different audience.   Unlike DWDV, this group had no preconceived need to focus on the subject of euthanasia although as a group there will always be “the converted” among them.   I hope I generate some activism among friends and relatives who may read the magazine outside “in the real world”.   “Outside” where people bustle around in their busy worlds where they don’t ever consider that death will touch “them” for many many years.

Elsewhere in their activities the Humanists also considered the Charter of medically assisted suicide, at a meeting held March 12th.  It was reported in their April Newsletter,  along side my contribution.

Campaigning for VE
Dying with Dignity Victoria (DWDV), formerly the Voluntary Euthanasia Society of Victoria, changed its name at its recent AGM on 25 February. DWDV have circulated a Legislative Charter hoping that many Victorians individually and in organisations will support and publicise their campaign.

On 12 March HSV members agreed to support the four legislative principles [below] and most of the rest of the wording of the Charter.

Context
Survey research shows that 73% of Australians believe that terminally ill individuals should have a right to seek and obtain assistance to end their life with dignity. This right does not exist in Victoria.
Current legislation therefore lags significantly behind the will of the people.
Dying With Dignity Victoria has clear, simple and safe aims for updated Victorian Legislation.

Four Legislative Principles
To support dying with dignity, DWDV promotes the following four legislative principles:

1. Patients with a terminal or incurable illness that creates unrelievable, profound suffering shall have the right to choose to die with dignity in a manner acceptable to themselves and shall not be compelled to suffer beyond their wishes.

2. No individual, group or organisation shall be compelled against their will to either participate or not participate in an assisted or supported death of a sufferer.

3. It shall not be an offence to confidentially advise a sufferer or relatives/guardian regarding death with dignity, to assist or support such a death, or to be present at the time.

4. Sufficient safeguards shall be in place to prevent abuse of the process.

For full details of the DWDV Charter, see www.dwdvictoria.org.au

____________

The second article was in the form of a report on Pamela Bone’s Keynote Address to the DWDV’s AGM which was washed out almost immediately after she concluded speaking.   Pamela is the Age journalist who has been diagnosed with cancer which will eventually be fatal for her.   A young woman with much to live for, and a courageous one who will share her story in a book form diary some time in the future.   Only by those suffering today will our politicians of tomorrow understand the need for true compassion and legislate appropriately to allow people a dignified death when all avenues have been tried and found wanting.

Awake at 4 am this morning I came into all fired up after yesterday’s feast of reading at Monash Library, to lose myself on the Computer.  Unfortunately the best laid plans of mice and men occurred when there a big message across the screen advising me I was “infected”.  Two hours later having being given a dose of antibiotics and a MRI Scan, my computer was available but I had lost the incentive to fire up!  Instead I waded through the bits and pieces piled four inches high all over my desk….and found this beautifully penned Ode to our absolutely “favorite” Prime Minister in living memory.  Undated, it would have come from the Age

An ode to Little Johnny 

Little Johnny Howard

Had a dream on day:

To get all of Australia

Firmly ‘neath his sway.

Then he’d sell off all our assets

And he’d march us off to war

And he’d never quite define the line

Between “non-core” and “core” (eg core and non-core promises made and broken)

And he’ll nibble at our freedoms,

And he’ll prey upon our fears;

And he’ll tear down in just moments

What’s been built throughout the years

And he’ll never say he’s sorry,

And he’ll never take the blame

And everyone below him

Will all act just the same.

And the other side’s no better

As they blindly shout “Me, too!”

They’re too fixed on faction fighting

To give heed to me or you.

And we swallow all the stories,

And we lap up lots of lies.

And we never seem to notice

When another ideal dies.

Little Johnny’s dreaming

Is changing this great land;

From a laid-back happy people

To a venal, selfish band.

While we wallow in the pleasure

Of short-term, private gain -

It’s our kids who’ll bear the burden

It’s our kids who’ll feel the pain.

Written by Pip Denton, Guildford, New South Wales

One would have to say that this Ode correctly pin points the average Australian’s view of Mr John Howard I couldn’t in conscience put it under Related Readings – Humor because there is nothing humorous in the message it conveys.  It is true that while we lap up the lies we never seem to notice When Another Ideal Dies.   Our loss of freedom, the fear created in our society, the gap between the have and have nots, the sale of workforce being placed overseas, a war against a country that had never raged against us, the lies and deceit of the Australian Wheat Board scandal.

A relative of mine, with two children,  lost his job yesterday along with 60 others,  arising out of the implementation of the Industrial Relations Legislation.  People know jobs are being taken away to be reoffered at perhaps $8 an hour, but with living standards that require $15 an hour, perhaps this is specifically a suicide enticement method, that will work for the young.  An Indian Chef refused and was sacked when told he would be required to work a 15 hour day.    Perhaps the Government is inciting suicide intentions, in some less able to cope,  just by Government’s actions of taking away the person’s right to dignity with a fulfilling life style.   There is no loyalty given or expected in the workplace these days, yet the rich continue to become even richer at the expense of the majority.    

 Insight – What makes us Happy? Money? Relationships? Is it a choice, or a genetic lottery? filmed April 11th, a member of the audience in discussion, reflected that many homes had a combined income of $100,000.  The rumble of those who disagreed was very evident, even from Jenny Brockie herself, could see the absurdity of the statement.  The man was surprised that he was challenged about his statement, firmly believing that his perceptions were the normal.   People need a purpose in life to exist, and that includes work that is valued in society.  In return for their labor people do require practical recognition of their efforts.  There are choices to living as well as to dying.   Both need to be done well.

Is any one else amazed that people are so cynical,  because of the lack of integrity and leadership from our Government?  Half those individuals “who can’t recall” where their duty to society lie,  will no doubt end up in Diplomatic Posts Overseas, representing the face of Australia to the rest of the world.

A site worth checking out and participating in I believe:

Reported at unbelief.org

http://unbelief.org/forum/index.php?PHPSESSID=803f9fc6f150dfdac60b8f08edac7e9b&topic=14.0
posted April 10, 2006

“Margaret Tighe’s Right to Life Association (RTLA) in Victoria has certainly fallen on hard times. Gone are the golden days of the late 1980s when Tighe boasted a Victorian membership of 14,000 and annual revenues of around $300,000.

RTLA’s Life Walk 2006, one of the premier events on the group’s calendar, fizzled out yesterday with a grand total of 70 marchers arriving at St Columba’s Church Hall in Elwood. They were met by ten pro-choice demonstrators and a heckling match ensued.”

I would have loved to have been there and even better have contact with someone who supported the Pro Choice.  I suspect though it would have been mainly pro abortion advocates rather than voluntary euthanasia.   Many of our group would be too sick to heckle, preferring to retain their strength for just surviving life.    I am heartened by the ability shown by others to stand up and be counted in the face of diminishing resistance to Pro Life at any cost!  

Now all we need are Politicians to support the Democrats in their fight on our behalf.    Thank God for the Democrats – Pity about the GST though……Where has our “Holistic,  Community minded” party that used to be the Australian Labor Party gone to?  

___________________

This morning I am off to the Monash University Library to investigate a number of theses written on the subject of Health, Dying, Perceptions and hopefully, Choice.   Let’s hope they’ll let me in and that I can learn how their modern technology works.  I am neither at an age or disposition when learning new skills comes easily!    But, at least I am willing to try.

Taken from an article in Sunday Life, written by David Smiedt was this little gem titled How to Deliver Bad News.  

At some time time or another, it will fall to all of us to be the bearer of information someone else would rather do without.  Often there’s an awful correlation between how dire this news is and how much we care for the person receiving it.

While there is no guaranteed way to alleviate the impact of such revelations, consulting psychologist Mathew Evans believes it can be minimised.  “Preparation is paramount,” he says.  Firstly give some thought to where the conversation is going to take place.  What’s required is a private space where someone is comfortable enough to vent their immediate emotions.”

As for the appropriate language to use, Evans suggests a sympathetic tone and matter- of- fact words as apposed to euphemisms.  “The goal is to help this person grasp the enormity and reality of the situation in as sensitive a manner as possible” he says.

He adds that it’s important to remember that in such instances, “people can go into a state of shock, denial and sometimes anger so be prepared to patiently repeat yourself if necessary.  Remember, they are not angry with you but the situation.”

Evans notes that the blow delivered by tragic news is often so overwhelming that people can’t deal with its implications immediately.

“Broad brushstrokes are the way to go initially,” he says.  “Help them understand what’s happened before getting into what it may mean.

And thank you for this one: An email received from a friend of some twenty years plus, who has moved in and out of my life on an irregular basis but being a practicing Catholic means so very much to me because of that.

Hello Mary

I have been following your diary and I must say that I am impressed at the time that you get up in the morning – or don’t go to bed.

Your latest entry shocked and saddened me – I had no idea that you had suffered so much in your young life and sometimes at the hands of those who should have cared for you.

I now understand a little better your views (which I don’t always share!!!) on various topics. The fact that you have had such a successful life and family is a great testament to the person that you are – strong and compassionate, generous and courageous. I cannot imagine what you went through, I only knew about the orphanage and how horrific that part of your life was. You have managed what a lot of people have failed to do and that is to turn your life around, guided and cared for your family so well and without bitterness and with unfailing good humour. Given your early circumstances, an outstanding feat. You have made the world a better place for everyone.

I hope that you are feeling well (heath wise), and also all the family.

Writing a diary, if it is an honest reflection of my thoughts would be slightly different to how it appears on this website. In the context of a VE site agitating for change in government policy for the Medical Treatment Act 1988.  

There are so many facet to my personality I begin to wonder when the real Mary Walsh will stand up. 

When I watched Bertram Wainer, Abortion, Corruption and Cops, Thursday April 6th on SBS  I was struck with his courage in fighting for the rights of women at a time when the Church’s power in Government was really taking on a strangle hold.  Watching Margaret Tighe (Right to Life Official Spokesperson with the help of others) being bundled into the back of a police van, I looked at her without pride in her womanhood.   I thanked the women who shared their stories and experiences.  I thanked the first wife who supported Dr Wainer so that he could study to become a doctor and I thanked his second wife who maintained the path that he cut for her.   Neither wife would have had an easy living, and their dedication to his cause is appreciated by those who benefited at the time.  

Corrupt police and politicians by their silence were complicit in the deceptions being uncovered by Dr Wainer who was repelled at every opportunity to bring justice into the equation of abortion.   Vote DLP was screamed every Sunday from the pulpit of the Sacred Heart Church in Grey Street St Kilda.  If only the public knew of the deals that go on behind closed doors even today!

As told elsewhere I was the other face of abortion, born unloved and unwanted and remained that way for many a long year.

Mother gone to greener pastures, address unknown, sister lost in the midst of a big city, brother lost in the midst of a big country and dad, flown the coup to avoid being arrested for incest.   All but dad, turned up in the years following my very personal journey of sexual depravity as it was termed in the 1950s.   I had mentioned elsewhere that dad went on to become a pillar of the Catholic Church in Queensland.   I do hope they locked up the altar boys and first communion little girls learning their catechism!  He didn’t stop with me!    He was witty, intelligent, charming and even handsome.   He died with septic arthritis in addition to his heart problems.  mmmm!

 I was one of those women who had a back yard abortion with the aid of a knitting needle and a rag in my mouth to stop me screaming.  I was sixteen years old and living alone in a furnished room in St Kilda.  My “savior” was a Catholic Italian Lady.  Pictures of the Sacred Heart of Jesus adorned her walls over the couch I was instructed to lie on with towels over all it.   

I nearly bled to death and still remember the dish of blood, with a tiny lump in it,  shoved under the bed until I could struggle across the courtyard to the outside toilet opposite my room.   There wasn’t anyone to care whether I lived or died.  I didn’t care either.  All I knew was that I couldn’t keep myself, least of all a baby.   Can’t remember if I ate or drank anything for three days even.   I knew I was very ill but could neither afford a doctor or a policeman in my bedsit.    On my best days I could only afford one meal a day, and I’d go out with a man just for the meal.     

Modern single mums don’t have it easy, but it is better now for all concerned, for both mother, child, and their future prospects of being accepted as a normal part of society.  Then there was only shame for the woman to endure.    And endure we did!.  

Did I learn my lesson? – No I got pregnant again at seventeen (lack of family guidance plays a big part in a young girl out of a Convent environment, where no life skills were taught whatsoever).    Being pre trained from the age of six to have males enjoy my body I was of an age and disposition to return the “compliment” by the time I had left the convent at 15.   Too young, no guidance, no money -  the one thing in my favour was that I never became a prostitute even when invited as an easy option by the girl next door, who was.  I could not have handled what she put up with, remembering her split lips and black eyes.  Physical violence is a real turn off for me.

My second abortion was with a qualified doctor and we went through the routine of being picked up off a street corner in Kew and blindfolded and driven to a country property somewhere, the abortion was medically correct and cost 250 pounds at the time.  I wonder how much of that money went to the Police and the Politicians who were doing nothing to help the woman.   Fortunately for me the boy’s father paid for it and probably had to take out a loan for it.   The same young man was responsible for both pregnancies but I didn’t tell him about the first one, until much later.  Tried hot steaming baths, copious amounts of beetroot juice, mad rides in Luna Park with my meagre resources, all the old wives tales!    

I remember in 1999 asking my Oncologist to sit down with me so I could ask him bluntly if I had been responsible for acquiring ovarian cancer through my back yard abortion in the 50s.  I remember feeling so embarrassed to have to admit to it, but I desperately needed to know because I remembered the sheer agony of those days after the event.   He explained that had it been a cancer of the womb, then damage may well have been done, but ovaries are outside the womb, and no there was no correlation with cancer.

Yet today I can tell the story on a website diary knowing I am just one of thousands and thousands of women who went through the experience and survived, physically and emotionally.    I was always honest with the men in my life – I’ve told them.    No regrets.

The fetus weren’t children to me then, and my views haven’t changed.   I have no guilt at all. My children, born then,  would not have survived with me as their mother.   I was neither sufficiently mature, financially able,  nor ready to be a mother.   Six years later I was ready.  Sadly I cannot relate to women who have miscarried -  because I’ve never had that experience fortunately – I can only speak for myself -  but know from my sister’s reactions that she does not share my POV on so many issues including life in the womb, life after death, and voluntary euthanasia.  (But love her regardless of our differences because we both believe in freedom of choice and that includes both practical and spiritual considerations.   Viva la difference!)

Many couples were forced into loveless marriages by social protocol, neither loving each other or the product of their momentary passion.  I was never going to have a man yell at me that he married me only because he had to!

For me, I am grateful that I never have the pain of knowing there is an adopted child out there perhaps living it hard, may be not,  but the not knowing what has become of them.  I have never had to wonder which man fathered my children, and I think women who allow men to think incorrectly that they have fathered other men’s children are dishonorable in the extreme.

Watching Dr Wainer’s story the other night just brings it all back, and I will be forever grateful that because of his contribution to woman’s rights, today’s woman have it so much easier.  

And of course, birth control has been successfully developed.

Interesting to know that Victorian Law keeps abortion on its Books as illegal, in spite of everything.   Up to the woman to say she’ll commit suicide rather than give birth to an unwanted child, meaning she is mentally at risk with her life, what then of the seed?  two suicides, or is it suicide/murder, or is it just the woman as a single entity?.  One couldn’t really say that Victoria is a forward thinking State but it does go a long way to explaining why Advance Directives can’t get off the ground.  No one in their right mind would want to turn the clock back, unless of course you were rich or famous and could buy off a doctor, policeman, or a politician.

Governments continue to bed down with the Christian Conservative Views on the sanctity of life except when it is an Arab’s, sitting on gold, oops Oil!

No I am not a good woman, just a very human one, and at this stage  “Frankly, I don’t give a damn”…..